I AM THE BIG LUMBOWSKI http://lumbowski.posterous.com Most recent posts at I AM THE BIG LUMBOWSKI posterous.com Mon, 14 May 2012 13:22:15 -0700 BEST LOOKING DESSERT EVER, Y'KNOW http://lumbowski.posterous.com/best-looking-dessert-ever-yknow http://lumbowski.posterous.com/best-looking-dessert-ever-yknow
Imag0016_julia_perga

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sun, 06 May 2012 03:46:00 -0700 HORRIBLE BOSSES (2011) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/horrible-bosses-2011 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/horrible-bosses-2011

Colin Farrell's second best role.

Funnier than expected.

That is all. 

 

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sat, 05 May 2012 17:06:30 -0700 THE MECHANIC (2011) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-mechanic-2011 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-mechanic-2011
Jason Statham. He grunts. He walks around a lot with real purpose. He wears a permanent frown. 

Donald Sutherland. He looks important, even when going down stairs backwards in a wheelchair. I'd love to have hair like that when I'm old. 

One of the Special Features explains how they really got the two actors to jump off a 300' building on wires and they were both amazing because they really did it and this was great for the director because he could really show that the actors really did it for real. That's a good reason to do it, certainly, but the benefit is lost entirely when the scene is cut together so fast you never get more than a second to see what's going on. It could be any shaved headed grunting frowning Brit on that wire.

A quick Google search leads me to these two pictures of The Stathe.

Jason-statham-death-race-frown

A fan drawn pencil sketch  (well, I assume it's a fan) (from http://skyrbe.deviantart.com/art/statham-150040302)

Statham_by_skyrbe

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sat, 28 Apr 2012 05:47:15 -0700 Red Hill (2010) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/red-hill-2010 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/red-hill-2010 Just another low budget, bloody thriller/horror that you'll forget about a few minutes after it's finished.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sat, 28 Apr 2012 03:10:58 -0700 Colombiana (2011) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/colombiana-2011 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/colombiana-2011 Like Crank and The Transporter films, Colombiana has that over-the-top, physically improbable, handheld look and feel where you never really get any idea about what's going on in any particular action scene. Unlike Crank and The Transporter films, Colombiana takes itself seriously. 

If you're a fan of air ducts, though, you'll fucking love it.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Mon, 23 Apr 2012 11:46:00 -0700 Scary Movie (2000) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/scary-movie-2000 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/scary-movie-2000

I guess it may have been a tiny bit amusing in the year 2000.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Mon, 23 Apr 2012 11:35:00 -0700 Speed Racer (2008) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/speed-racer-2008 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/speed-racer-2008
I am very surprised to write that on a second viewing, four years after the first, Speed Racer is in fact a great film. It's entirely ridiculous, bizarre, over the top and clearly not much more than two hours of technical boasting, but it's a pleasure to see and hear. Oddly it did nothing for me at the cinema, which is where you'd expect it to make it's biggest impact, but on a big TV with the sound at neighbour-annoying levels it works really well. It's like nothing else. 

Matthew Fox does an outstanding impression of Solid Snake in it too; the voice is uncanny. Speed X. Racer Snake. Solid Speed. Speed Snake. 

Speedsnake

Here's an IMDB fact about it: 

"The film was a first in many technical areas, but two stand-out: it was the first film to employ the Sony F23 digital film camera and also to record in parallel to Sony HDCAM SR for archive masters; and the first to employ Codex digital data recorders for on-set uncompressed HD playback, digital dailies and file generation for editing and VFX."

I mean, if that's not gonna get you to add it to your LOVEFiLM list then nothing will, right?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Wed, 18 Apr 2012 15:35:39 -0700 The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-human-centipede-ii-full-sequence-2011 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-human-centipede-ii-full-sequence-2011 Moan moan crowbar splat moan cry crowbar splat moan moan crowbar splat cut cut staple poo etc.

I wonder if the people in it consider themselves actors?

Just. Pointless. 

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:57:00 -0700 The Bournes (2002 / 2004 / 2007) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-bournes-2002-2004-2007 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-bournes-2002-2004-2007

I had a day of Bourne recently. 342 minutes of Matt Damon trying to remember stuff, kicking the shit out of people and generally being rather cool (whoda thought that'd ever happen?). Watching them on a schedule comes recommended -  they make a very coherent whole. It's all a lot more understandable too, what with all the Treadstone, Blackbriar and CIA technical talk going on.

In short: Ultimatum > Supremacy > Identity. 

If you've done the triple, this music will take you back to that happy, happy time.

I think the only other trilogies I've managed to do in a day are Indy and Austin. Imagine trying The Godfather; you'd be stapling bacon to your forehead 20 minutes into the third part praying for a stroke. 

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Fri, 06 Apr 2012 16:47:19 -0700 Cabin in the Woods (2012 or 2009) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/cabin-in-the-woods-2012-or-2009 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/cabin-in-the-woods-2012-or-2009 If you've read the articles about this film saying you shouldn't read any articles about this film then I'd urge you to do what the articles about this film say and not read any articles about this film. The less you know, the better. 

It couldn't be any more meta. Metarer?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Fri, 06 Apr 2012 16:39:40 -0700 Cowboys & Aliens (2011) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/cowboys-aliens-2011 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/cowboys-aliens-2011
What.

A. 

Mess.

Of.

A.

Film.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sun, 01 Apr 2012 02:52:28 -0700 Gosford Park (2001) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/gosford-park-2001 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/gosford-park-2001 Stephen Fry, bumbling around.

Gosford_park_2

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sun, 01 Apr 2012 02:43:00 -0700 Maximum Overdrive (1986) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/maximum-overdrive-1986 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/maximum-overdrive-1986

When I was younger I read a lot of Stephen King novels. Some were good, some were awful. I knew I had to stop when I realised I was on holiday reading a book about thousands of children powering a machine deep in the Earth having got lost in the woods (at least I think that's what it was about). I realised I had to stop. However, during my King period, as I'll now call it, he decided to direct a film and in the late eighties this was all very exciting for me. I remember watching it a lot on VHS and loving how over-the-top and ridiculous it was.

How is it now, 25 years later? I'm sure you can guess. These quotes from the IMDB sum it up: 

Stephen King later admitted that he was "coked out of my mind" the entire time he was making this picture and often didn't know what he was doing. When asked why he hasn't directed a movie since "Maximum Overdrive", Stephen King responded "Just watch Maximum Overdrive."

It does have a great title card, though:

Max_overdrive1

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Wed, 28 Mar 2012 09:32:39 -0700 The Hunger Games (2012) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-hunger-games-2012 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-hunger-games-2012 What's good? 
It's a long film that doesn't feel like a long film so by that measure it's a good enough watch. 

What's bad? 
It's a tough concept - kids killing each other for the amusement of others - that has to be a good fit for kids/teens/young 'uns, so a lot of its punch is lost before it even starts. You see the contenders running after each other with vicious looking knives in their hands but you don't really see the consequences. They may as well be playing Cluedo to the death. It's a pretty bland vision of the future too; we've this shiny, crazy collars and hair Gaultier look many times before and the premise that TV's taken over the good nature of the the masses is nothing more than a yawnathon. 

I'm also at odds with the trend of making a film with the absolute intention of making the next two or three in the series. It allows for loose ends, ambiguous and unused characters and the general feeling of "huh? that's it?" Bring back the good old days when if a film was popular you lied and said it was always going to be a trilogy. At least then the first film stands up on its own.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sun, 25 Mar 2012 14:51:55 -0700 Hard Eight (1996) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/hard-eight-1996 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/hard-eight-1996 Philip Seymour Hoffman has wonderful hair in this film. Truly wonderful.

Gwyneth Paltrow plays a prostitute.

Here's a fact: the recurring music in this film is used in Boogie Nights and Magnolia too. 

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sun, 25 Mar 2012 12:27:45 -0700 King Kong (2005) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/king-kong-2005 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/king-kong-2005 There's little to recommend in King Kong, even though there's three hours of it. Three fucking hours - the result of giving Peter Jackson an endless budget and final cut after the success of those ork/dwarf/wizard/running films, I guess. 

So much of the film is redundant with scenes rammed in just because someone at Weta spent months making a CGI Brontosaurus (which, according to Wikipedia, should now be called an Apatosaurus. I did not know that). Think about that scene: the group stumbles on a group of dinosaurs that start stampeding. They stampede for about 40 minutes, running, jumping, shooting, ducking, falling, then one of the dinosaurs trips up and there's a pile up. End of scene. It doesn't add anything but looks pretty good, which sums up most of the ridiculous running time.

Look at the size of Andy's hand.

350px-andy_serkis_-_king_kong

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Sun, 25 Mar 2012 12:08:00 -0700 Ocean's Eleven (2001) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/oceans-eleven-2001 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/oceans-eleven-2001

This one's going to be in bullet points because I'm having trouble constructing meaningful sentences today.

  • It's very good (why? Funny, sharp characters and dialogue, has a great look, makes you want to go to Vegas).
  • Brad Pitt eats all the time in it (see below).
  • The heist is ridiculously brilliant.
  • Don Cheadle's accent. 
  • It's not Ocean's Twelve.
Brad-pitt-in-ocean-s-eleven-br

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:13:00 -0700 Dracula (1992) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/dracula-1992 http://lumbowski.posterous.com/dracula-1992

Having just watched Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, sorry, Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula, I've an idea for the 20th Anniversary re-release. When the film was released much was made about the use of practical, old-fashioned effects over digital and computer controlled effects, giving the film a real believability factor. Sadly, any realism added there was taken away entirely by Keanu Reeves. So, for the re-release I propose we have the best of both worlds and use digital effects to replace Keanu Reeves with an actor. Or a fish. Or Jar Jar Binks. Anything that's more believable. 

Gary Oldman makes this film.

And this teaser trailer's ace:

And here's a boring fact: I noticed tonight that there's a scene set outside The Lyceum Theatre in London. Well, Bram Stoker used to work there and wrote much of Dracula in that building. There you go. 

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Wed, 21 Mar 2012 11:40:00 -0700 The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-hudsucker-proxy http://lumbowski.posterous.com/the-hudsucker-proxy

It’s not their best film by far, but The Hudsucker Proxy still has enough Coen goodness in it to deserve another viewing if you haven't seen it in a while. It's a film that’s just got too many ideas in it, it’s a little haphazard and, for me, too slapstick in places (calm down, Tim Robbins, calm down). On the plus side, the music and design are perfect and the bigger-than-usual-for-a-Coen-film budget can be seen in every frame.

Sure sure. 

Hudsuckerproxyclock

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:34:42 -0800 TOILETS (COOL, MAN) http://lumbowski.posterous.com/toilets-cool-man http://lumbowski.posterous.com/toilets-cool-man
C360_2012-01-27_20-26-52

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/387234/Brian.jpg http://posterous.com/users/3sibzj0GojvP Matthew Lumb The Big Lumbowski Matthew Lumb